Work-Life Balance: Simultaneous or Sequential?
Dear friends of women in science,
We think a lot about how to balance family and science work, and many of you have noted that you think this is a highly important constraint on women trying to be successful scientists (see one of our discussions here). Back in November, the Wander Woman blog (read it here) written by Marcia Reynolds for Psychology Today posted claiming that many highly successful women don't seek a balance after all.
One quotation from that article, to give you a feeling for its message, is, "When they find their work gives them a strong sense of purpose and satisfaction with their contribution, they happily work from early morning to late at night. Even if they schedule time for self-care and family, they don't see the need to equally balance their schedules."
The blog suggests that even if a woman does not try to balance family and work, she should keep in mind three dicta: Keep your body healthy, maintain social bonds, and regularly notice the world around you. These coaching tips seem to be about self-care, even for highly committed workers who verge on workaholic status.
I think those dicta helped me in months when I felt I had to spend 12-14 hour days at the lab, but other times, I needed to emphasize my family life. I didn't exactly alternate, but between family or science, one or the other was often getting more emphasis.
cheers,
Laura
What do you think?
A I think balance varies over time; sometimes I emphasize family and other times science
B I think Reynolds is right, I can put most of my emphasis on work and keep sane with her "dicta"
C I think this is nuts. You have to balance the work and family or one suffers. If family suffers, then you get guilt, divorce, other bad outcomes.
The balance theory sounds like it's really working for you, Helen. I am sure it was no fun asking to negotiate all these things back in the past, but the fact you've discussed them and decided must feel good now!
cheers,
Laura
Ahh. The so-called domestic joys of house-cleaning! Those campy commercials selling women cleaning supplies and machines from the 50s make me laugh and wince at the same time. One of the most important negotiations I faced was with my husband was over housework. We made a commitment that we would never employ a full time housekeeper (every other week when we can afford it is OK:) ), and that we would model behaviors for our children on how to take care of such things themselves.
So that means that my son sees each of us doing tasks that are not gender specific at times. So dad has to cook/do laundry from time to time. And sometimes mom gets to make home repairs or use the mower. Whether it will work or not is unclear, but we'll give it our best shot. Ask me in 20 years I guess.
Hi Helen,
Yes, laundry can be a big problem. I loved the fact that Carol Greider was folding laundry when she received her telephone call about the Nobel Prize in 2009. It seems that women's involvement with laundry never really ends. Londa Schiebinger's latest study highlights the fact that the housework discrepancy for men and women is an issue that remains unsolved, but not for women with nannies! I like that both you and your husband get to have alone-time with your child.
cheers,
Laura
Hi Laura,
Nannies can work however you'd like them too:) Ours comes to the house for 5 hours each day. My husband works the swing shift, so he has the morning shift with our son so that he gets to be his dedicated caregiver then. The nanny takes over until I come home, and then its my turn. I have friends with twins (one of many IVF dangers not always discussed) who have both a day and night nanny to help juggle their work/home life. Trust me it is very nice to have someone do a load of laundry now and again or run the dishwasher in the house! Plus no rushed mornings or races to the daycare center for a pick-up. I have enough stress as it is...
Hi Susan,
It's funny how people who discuss this issue in print seem to mostly think a woman would pick one strategy and stick with it forever. Some people probably do, but as pressures and needs change, a lot shift emphasis in my experience. For sure, when everything is going super well in lab, I want to be there 12-14 hours a day. Or if we're doing a new procedure and I need to make sure it's done right. But other times, I didn't need to. I could be there more than 9 hrs or not, depending on if my daughter had an identity crisis or my son got up against a gang and needed rides home, etc.
cheers,
Laura
PS I am imagining you really up on the literature with all the train hours you are logging lately. Or are you reading for pleasure or looking out at nature?
Hi Helen,
It's great to think of you bounding from your bed at 4 AM full of scientific enthusiasm! Is your nanny living at your house? Probably they all do. I don't really know how nannies work since that wasn't my solution when my kids were small.
cheers,
Laura
B. for me. Before I got married and adopted a son, I had a hard time embracing the concept that when I'm at work, it's all work. And when I'm at home, it's all home. I still try to do that and still work relatively long hours for industry. But I have to say that it is not uncommon to wake up (happily) at 4am and come into work when I have an idea burning me up! And I love that about science. I hope that never changes.
I am not so sure this is just a women's issue. Men with little kids want to stay home and play with their kids too. And they may resist long nights and weekends at work, whereas unmarried men may not. Just sayin...
I'd probably pick A for a lifelong estimate. Sometimes the two cycle on a fast exchange, other times it's months to years on one side, then it flips to the other. Interesting to think about! I do also think it gets a bit unhealthy if you forget to do any self-renewal when you're deep into lab work/calcs/writing.
cheers,
Laura
I don't live with family so for me, it's B, but I can certainly see where if I were skiing uphill in lab, I'd love to come home and have a glass of wine with a sympathetic family member or two. Or if I had a small child, I'd probably emphasize that.
A. I think balance DOES vary over time. Note her quote: "When they find their work gives them a strong sense of purpose and satisfaction with their contribution..." which implies of course that when it DOESN'T, the balance may shift.
B She is onto me; I follow her recipe. What good am I to family if my mind and heart are wrestling with issues from the lab? I need to be satisfied with my work to be a real, fully functioning person. FBP
