Dual Career Couples in the News Again
Hi friends,
The Huffington Post ran an article by Carolyn Simard on Aug 9 in which she pushed for more recognition of and planning for dual career couples in the high tech industries. She quotes the research by the Clayman Institute (at Stanford University) to say that 82% of technical women are partnered with another person in tech areas, while the comparable number for men is only 37%. This discrepancy suggests that the women are much less likely to be able to rely on a stay-at-home spouse than the men. Therefore, systems that judge performance by seat time or online email response time or equivalent expectations beyond a 9-5 job are on average harder on the women.
However, Simard pointed out that men in a dual career couple can face discrimination because they aren't available 24/7 too. She has heard from men, and I'll quote a long passable about that, "if they leave at 5pm to pick up the kids at the end of the day (just as the pizza delivery arrives for those who will stay at work all evening) they are told they are not "team players"; if they take a paternity leave they are viewed as somehow less committed to their career and fear the impact on their advancement (I heard of one case where a father returning from paternity leave was asked by sneering colleagues if he was "still breastfeeding"). I hear from others that their boss with a stay-at-home spouse is unsupportive when they have to miss a meeting to take care of a sick child. "
This long quotation makes me think of the earlier post when we discussed the role men might take in opening up STEM fields for women. If these dual-tech-couple men point out how unfair this treatment is (which could actually be quoted almost verbatim from treatment of women, of course) how powerful it would be! But women still need to say so too, in my opinion.
What do you think?
a. No, I don't favor getting men involved in arguing for no 24/7 hour expectation. Women should be empowered to do it themselves.
b. Maybe. I don't know if they would be fair to women in what they'd ask for if we just let the men do the talking.
c. YES! If it works, take it. I think both men and women would benefit from having the expectation of constant availability taken down a notch.
Hi Helen,
I'm glad to hear about this resource of AWIS. It sounds like a very helpful 'treat' indeed!
cheers,
Laura
Affordable life coaching is a great resource that AWIS provides. I've worked with two of them and find them to be exceptional at what they do. I "treat" myself to two coaching sessions a year and they are always helpful, although since I"ve done it for so many years now, it's much more effective for me than for people just starting out to have so few sessions per year. Most people generally need 6-10 to get started and then "maintenance" at once quarterly. If I could afford it I would do it more often :)
Hi Helen,
Very interesting point about the life coach helping you to order your real priorities. I've never talked with a life coach and i see that AWIS and other groups to which I belong have started making them available through their web sites, no doubt specially selected to be great on the issues they emphasize. I'm glad this sort of support is so effective.
cheers,
Laura
I agree, it's easy to forget what our values are when we're under a lot of pressure. If it hadn't been for an excellent life coach and her repeated use of a value order exercise to get me to FINALLY acknowledge that for me health and family are at the top of the list, I would be killing myself to get tenure right now...and likely divorced and childless to boot! Sometimes you just have to embrace who you are and what you care about to be happy. Easier said than done when everyone around you is telling you should want "X" instead.
Hey, no visions of heart attacks now! But it's true that if you think reflectively about your life, family importance comes out on top. if you just do what seems most urgent, family can lose out. We all need to reflect from time to time, so this won't come as a shock when we come to retire.
Hi Helen,
Yes, balance is what so many plays and movies show us can be missing for these aggressive career-pursuers of both genders. I don't want to wake up in the hospital after a heart attack saying, "Why did I spend so much time on my work and so little with my family?"
cheers,
Laura
C. We're all human. If we don't like work expectations that compromise our ability to have some balance in our lives regardless of gender, we should say something.
It feels like what this person is describing is that when men sound like women, they lose all credibility. Is there some reason we want that? I don't get it
Are we agreeing that women can't effectively speak up for their own rights? How about your arguments for the lawyers re Title Ix, Laura!?? I'd rather do it myself, sorry.
Hi Puzzled,
Yes, there's no reason why having men speak up should make the women sit down and shut up! I think voices from both genders would be more persuasive than just women to those powers that be, who often have men over-represented. I just hope the men aren't like that military man turned counselor in the commercial who throws the tissues at the guy and says he's a cry baby.
cheers,
Laura
Why does it have to be either/or? I guess I vote C on this one. I hope women keep speaking up for a humane work environment without 24/7 expectations and men join them as they see their kids are growing up as strangers.
