How Is Your Body Language?
Dear friends of women in science,
The Clayman Institute at Stanford recently released a newsletter in which they featured Marianne Cooper's article on a talk by Deborah Gruenfeld, which I found very interesting apropos of our discussions of recommendation letters. Apparently, some of the same emotic and agentic ideas are communicated by our body language.
"When it comes to leadership," Gruenfeld told the group, "there are very few differences in what men and women actually do and how they behave. But there are major differences in perception. Men and women doing the same things are perceived and evaluated differently." According to Cooper, Gruenfeld's talk showed that "people possess entrenched cultural ideas that associate men with leadership qualities like decisiveness, authoritativeness, and strength and women with nurturing qualities like warmth, friendliness, and kindness." In her example, women and men portraying a venture capitalist with the same characteristics were perceived differently when they did the same things, bodily speaking. Because women were unconsciously expected to be kind, a forcefull, unsmiling presentation was perceived as unlikeable. Women are in a catch-22 type of situation where if they smile, they do not seem powerful, whereas if they do not smile, they seem unlikeable. The same does not apply to men doing the same kind of presentation.
Then it got really interesting. Gruenfeld recommended selective use of these body language signals to help women seem more powerful. She noted that, "Those with higher status take up more space through expansive postures like sitting with legs and arms spread apart, smile less and stare directly into another person's eyes. Those with lower status take up less space through constrictive postures like crossing one's legs, smile more, and glance away." So we women should look into people's eyes and make expansive gestures when we make an important, powerful point, but perhaps smile at less important points in a talk. In that way, we won't "give away power" inherent in our talks. She pointed out that these dynamics occur in every situation, not just in a talk. Women should be able to use direct vision and expansive posture to their advantage if they use them selectively, not all the time as it's possible for men to do.
What do you think?
A I believe this is correct; I can only be perceived as both powerful and likeable if I use eye contact and expansive gestures selectively
B I don't know, but I do know if I use a lot of eye contact and expansive gestures as a man would, people perceive me as tough and unlikeable.
C This sounds like a lot of nonsense to me. I don't really think you can make good generalizations about human interactions like this.
You may be far from endorsing it Mad Hatter, but it does make a difference. My husband has had the unfortunate experience of negotiating with me when I've taken a half day from work sometimes (this Monday in fact). When I'm still in "work mode" as he puts it I can be downright scary (his own word), and he's married to me...so I have at least one control person who sees both sides of my behavior and can attest to the fact that body language and attitude certainly matter. I did win that negotiation of course...
According to this theory, which I am far from endorsing, you should be serious at the punchline, but smile now and then during the intro, etc, when it's not such high stakes.
B I keep getting feedback at my talks that I need to soften up. I don't feel I should have to smile around since none of the men do it!
Hi friends,
Well, it's good that most of you seem to be aware of this skill and are using it to your advantage, even though Mad Hatter is convinced there's no there there. It seems self evident to me that if you appear to believe in what you're saying, others will find it more convincing too.
cheers,
Laura
Hi from a token male voice...I have to pick C. This stuff reminds me of when women say what they wear influences how people react to them. It's the person underneath that counts, not how you wave your arms but what you have to contribute to the discussion. If it makes you feel more confident, I guess it's okay, but it's not really important.
I've mostly been able to use a combination of body language styles to my advantage too. The main time I can't manage that is if I am in a new setting surrounded by men, as happens at some scientific meetings. Then, even if I want to say something, I have a hard time not ending my sentences with a question mark, making expansive gestures, making eye contact. I want to cross my arms and legs (protective posture). So I try to avoid these settings.
A. I agree with "make noise" entirely. I use expansive body language and eye contact to take charge when needed, especially in a testosterone laden senior management presentation. But also with the half-smile to make sure I'm not perceived as too "*itchy".
Definitely we need to handle upspeak! Its one of the things I worked hard with female students to eliminate in their speaking style. I show them through mimicry how it sounds when I would do it instead of my normal way of asking questions...usually that took care of them ever doing it again! Also I notice them getting a "little girl" voice in general where the more nervous they become, the higher pitched the voice. I also model that and the "um" disease so they can see how it compromises their message. More time should be spent to help young women become more effective presenters!
emphatically, A. I gave up being nice girl long ago, but I still get respect when it's important. One thing I notice young women doing a lot is what a colleague of mine calls "upspeak": they end their sentences on a high note, and upswing in tone. It's as if everything is a question, even when it isn't. It's how young women try to be friendly, (and its reinfioced by peer to peer lagnuage patterns) but they don't realize how it undermines them and makes THEM seem unsure of their own words when they are in more professional or academic settings. As much as body language affects how the same words are delivered, so does the TONE in which the language is delivered. Upspeak never commands respect, yet so many young women use it. Teachers, PIs, mentors: let's get rid of upspeak amongst our female students!
B for me. I try to be the nice girl too much, I guess, according to this writer.
Yes, A for me too. I know I vary over time, although I must do it automatically. Women in particular often say I'm tough.
A, amen to this! I know men think I'm intimidating sometimes, but if I don't look them in the eye they pay no attention to me. I like the idea of taking conscious control of when to use eye contact.
