Apologizing, with a poll
Dear friends of women in science,
As we discussed under Discount Phrases, women often preface each sentence about science with a sort of apology. She may sound sorry to have bothered the other scientists, sorry that they hadn't considered something, sorry that she's not quite sure of her facts, sorry not to have the evidence clear in her mind, sorry that she isn't up to date in the field, etc. As Ellen Daniel said in her book Every Other Thursday, many women in science secretly see themselves as frauds, although they can cover it up with feigned confidence at times.
Some of you have practiced and gotten over this habit, while others are still struggling with an almost automatic need to add a discount phrase to our assertions. Let's inaugurate the new poll feature that the talented IT folks at Scitable just added and see where people are in the spectrum, below. Notice that you can do the poll alone or comment alone or do both, so some of you who don't feel comfortable commenting can join in with the poll.
cheers,
Laura
I am interested to see that my category is so high compared to the others. 1-5 apologies/day seems to represent a woman who tries to be confident but slips up a few times every day. I need to try harder, and maybe some of you other 1-5 people do too! I saw a lot of changes in the poll percentages with no comments going up, so I bet a lot more people voted than commented.
cheers,
Laura
Oh, yes, the eye roll. Says so much without a word. She's so dumb, she's not worth listening to, etc, etc. But then, we do it to ourselves.
Looks like 1-5 is winning by a considerable margin. I suspect it is usually a balance between not wanting to do it and doing it almost automatically from years of doing it. I am still trying to get down to zero. What helps keep me nearer zero than five is the way men roll their eyes when I go into apology mode.
Good point, Helen, how life is treating me also influences how much I apologize. I might have a whole day without doing it once if I feel on top of the world. If things are going wrong at home, I might go over five times. The way the non-lab part of me impacts the lab part is mostly via building or eroding my overall confidence.
cheers,
Laura
I have to watch myself and stop myself from apologizing if its been a rough week/day.
I used to be a 1-5er. And it certainly made life difficult to be seen as someone who would use those discount phrases.
You still get in trouble for being "insensitive" though. So you have to watch for using the statement when appropriate. For example, I accidently offended someone in the department with the tone of a question. She was very upset. Not my fault but to calm the waters I apologized (genuinely) for upsetting her. I did NOT promise not to do it ever again however...that would probably be unrealistic for me.
Probably the "never" would be people like Phoebe and Helen, who responded to the Discount Phrases discussion by saying they practiced NOT doing this. I'm under 1-5, sorry to say, I've been working on it, but I catch myself with the phrase halfway out of my mouth sometimes.
cheers,
Laura
Sorry, but shouldn't there be a special category for us Canadians? Sorry for the question. ;-)
Interesting Ilona. I too am in the 1-5 (probably more on the high end of this range). I'm also curious regarding your question of the "never" votes.
I just voted in the 1-5 category. I am curious, for those of you who posted "never" , is it an effort to keep it that way? Did you use to be a 1-5-er?
I kicked off the poll so it's 100% my answer until some of you jump in. Give it a try!
cheers,
Laura
