Why Pick on Sheryl Sandberg?
Hi Friends of Women in Science,
I've noticed an interesting trend lately: a good many people, mostly female, are getting a lot of publicity by criticizing Sheryl Sandberg. Okay, she's a grown woman of great accomplishments, so she presumably doesn't need me or anyone else to defend her. But I find it interesting that she's become the target du jour. For example, we discussed "Is Leaning In Too Much to Ask?" recently, and even more recently, we have had criticism of her "Ban Bossy" campaign to empower girls (for example, see The Girl Scouts' Ban Bossy website, with its T-shirts, etc for sale). I love the idea of banning the word "Bossy" myself. I was called that a lot when I was growing up and I always felt confused--wasn't being a boss a good thing? Why was it good only for boys? I saw right away that "bossy" applied only to girls.
So isn't this a good campaign, to make people more aware that this word has a put-down effect on girls? According to Tina Wells on Buzz, 3/21/2014, not really a good idea. If you ban something, that makes it more attractive, she says. That's a good point, I have to admit. According to Wells, her mom was her leader and she imbued her with a better lesson. "She taught me to always remember my values - our values - and to not take anyone's negative comments too personally."
She suggests that we stop using #banbossy and switch to #shrugitoff instead. I have no problem with her idea that girls need to be empowered to ignore stupid putdowns. But why cast it in the light of putting down a powerful woman role model? I think it would be worth considering how helpful it would be if women could do less copying of competitive "me good, you bad" tactics from war and high powered sports and instead try to get along and choose the best of each other to emphasize. Why not say, it's great that Sandberg wants to empower girls and stop having them put down for leadership, but I'd like to suggest a different approach? Or maybe I'm just getting old.
cheers,
Laura
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Laura,
I've been thinking the same thing lately. And to Rita's point, it's true that people like to focus on the negative instead of the positive these days. But objectively, it doesn't help to have women blasting another talented and successful woman. I have plenty of men at work who love telling me about another woman who attacked Sheryl Sandberg over the weekend.
Yes--Sheryl Sandberg has privileges because of her success. She earned them and few women would turn down a nanny if offered. Yes--I laughed over the Paltrow response too in the Post. Some people are clueless about the real world. I also see the dark side of the Sandberg criticism and its effects. Young women at work questioning if wanting the C-suite is "right" for them after reading the backlash articles. Men relishing in women not supporting one another. After all--it just goes to show how emotional and ill-suited women are for the C-suite in the first place as one was recently happy to tell me. Does everyone want to work like a man to get ahead? No-but I respect whatever they DO want. And shouldn't there also be respect for those of us who want to be "bossy" or at least just be the boss?
Hi Denise,
I admire your work and often agree with you, but this time I just don't. It doesn't seem like a legitimate critique to me to say she didn't have the hardest of roads to hoe. If you think she had an easy time working for Summers, I doubt if you're right. I was at Yale myself and didn't find that site of privilege gave me a free pass from sexism at all, in fact I'd argue the opposite. Money doesn't dissolve prejudice; I'm sure you're well aware of that from your psychology studies.
Your critique of my poll would be fair except for the fact that these are in no way scientifically designed polls. Self selected people of varying numbers respond and I guess I've become less interested in trying to make them more "scientific" since Nature can't even tell me how many responses I've received. I just think of them as a way that if one wants, one can express an opinion faster than writing a comment. I'm pretty sure the answers haven't covered all possibilities very often. Perhaps I need to put up disclaimers.
sincerely,
Laura
I'd like to add that the poll question is a variant of the classic no-win "Have you stopped beating your wife? Answer yes or no." Here it is "Can we stop beating up on Sandberg in order to get noticed? Answer yes or no." I believe this site should be above these kinds of biased maneuverings. We are supposed to be scientists.
To think that Sandberg, a privileged upper middle class white woman who has made a name for herself by telling other women they can "have it all just like me if you just lean in" needs protection from her legitimate critics is nothing short of ludicrous. See this article written by Ann Belser of the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette which hits the nail on the head from it's very opening lines: " Sheryl Sandberg's "Lean In" is a feminist discussion of the privilege of men by the most privileged of women." http://www.post-gazette.com/ae/book-reviews/2013/03/17/Lean-In-Sheryl-Sandberg-s-privileged-manifesto/stories/201303170167
If you are unfamiliar with Sandberg's story, here's a snapshot: Sandberg grew up in an upper middle class white family (her father was an ophthalmologist) and was afforded every opportunity to women of her class, including an Ivy League education. Unlike her mother, who relinquished her teaching position to concentrate on raising her children (which Sandberg no doubt benefited from), she prides herself on making it to the top of the business world by "doing it the man's way". Telling is the fact that her mentor at Harvard was LARRY SUMMERS-–the man who lives in infamy for telling women they have no one but themselves to blame for not reaching the top. She got her position as COO at Facebook not as the result of a search in which she competed with other candidates, but merely because Zuckerberg liked her and thought she was a perfect fit for the job. Among the many perks she receives in her position is a private jet and a nanny so that she can bring her children with her when her job requires her to go out of town.
Next, I suppose, we should hold a forum on Gwyneth Paltrow's assertion that it is easy to be a mother and work in an office compared to being a mother and a movie star. See this humorous response: http://nypost.com/2014/03/27/a-working-moms-open-letter-to-gwyneth-paltrow/
Incidentally, the poll is incredibly biased, based, as it is, on the author's explicit assumption that women are criticizing Sandberg for no other reason that simply to get noticed. That is unfair as well as demeaning to her critics.
Hi Laura,
Well, you know how bad news is news but good news isn't? I think this stuff works the same way. If they want to say something good about Sandberg, no one would want to print it or run it on their internet site. I don't like it but I do think it's how the world works.
RKR
