FF, the First Female in a Position
Dear friends of women in science,
As time goes on, the available places where one can take on a role and be the FF (first female) are decreasing, I'm happy to say. I am interested in the things the FF have in common. I suspect women who agree to take on the FF jobs think of themselves at some level as men, or as gender neutral entities. I certainly did, as I became the FF Chair of the Bio grad student group at Yale, the FF President of the American Aging Association, the FF President of Council on Undergraduate Research, the FF academic VP at Pomona College. I told people not to expect me to act differently, to be softer and more sympathetic, to take a feminist approach. That was then.
I see now that I had been brainwashed by being treated as one of the guys all along the line. No one said, "How do you feel about this?" Guys don't. So I didn't either. I remember a female Associate Dean working with me who said, "I was looking forward to being mentored by a female boss, but it's no different--you are very hierarchical and expect us to all pat ourselves on the back and make our own plans!" I felt bad that I had not thought more about mentoring her, and since she brought it up, we made a plan to introduce her to various tasks she wanted to learn about. But I didn't come up with a nurturing plan a priori, because my whole mentoring had been by males so it wasn't in my ken yet. I've learned a lot by listening to what people say they want and expect. And that's not over!
I am thinking through the issue of the FF and will write more about it during the next few weeks. I hope some of you will contribute your thoughts about what makes a FF unique and how she is the same as SF and subsequent women.
cheers,
Laura
I think being more male-like helped me get through school and early in my career. When you are the only female in a class, it is easier to be "one of the guys" than to be to be "female". As I was born a "tomboy", and for years was my father's "boy" (in a family of 7 daughters), this role came easily. I didn't even date in high school -- I was a friend and competitor with all the guys, be it in sports or the classroom.
When it came time for childbearing and raising children, my time off work was minimal; in retrospect it was very hard. I'm not sure I'd follow that path again. I tried not to be different from my male colleagues; my bosses all assumed I wouldn't return to work after giving birth! (As is, sadly, the case with too many women in industry.)
However, as I got older, and my children grew, I became more "female" in many ways. I was the mentor, the problem solver, the person staff came to to pour out troubles. I ceased to be one of the guys and became the "mom". I think that taking on a more feminine role actually hurt me in industry; I have significant power because I have the loyalty of people I have helped. I'm viewed as someone who makes things right and gets them done, not as a hot, up-coming executive who leaves people in his wake. My staff and customers love me, but bosses don't understand and trust my more feminine role.
For now, I'm neither fish nor fowl. My son sought my help when he had to teach his boy scouts troop outdoor skills. When she is ill, my daughter comes to me for a diagnosis and to her dad for sympathy. (I'm fortunate to have married a man who is more androgynous than most!)
Laura:
I was not the FF in as prestigious or responsible positions as you held. I was the FF in the Office of the General Counsel at the EEOC (Equal Employment Opportunity Commission) in Washington, DC, and the highest-paid woman at the corporate headquarters of two major corporations: GTE Service Corporation in Stamford, CT, and TRW Inc. in Cleveland, Ohio.
Unlike you, I did not think of myself as a man or a gender neutral entity. But I took these positions in 1965, 1973, and 1982, respectively, much earlier than you did I presume. What I felt essentially was the burden of being the first woman and the responsibility to do well as a woman and to show that women could do it all.
As a result, when I gave birth at the age of 43 1/2, I took off five weeks and then returned to work. The first year or year-and-a-half of my daughter's life was very difficult as I didn't have reliable household help. My daughter kept coming down with various infections and illnesses, and I kept dashing home to take care of her. But it didn't occur to me to take more time off in a systematic way because I felt that as a pioneer feminist I had to show I could handle it.
In one of these corporations, I started a small group of professional women. We met regularly to share information but we felt we had to keep our organization secret.
In the other one of these corporations, where I was in charge of Equal Employment Opportunity and Affirmative Action, I tried to form a headquarters-wide organization of women and was told by my boss not to do so.
When I left the second corporation, I said to myself that I never again want to be in an organization where I'm the only one who feels a certain way; it was too stressful. And I never again was.
Best, Sonia
Hi Small Science Woman and Sameera,
Thanks for your thoughts. I don't know a whole lot of people who took on these roles, and they vary a bit in their behavior. But several of the ones I've talked with a lot say they think/behave in a more male way than other women they know. It's making me think that might be necessary to break into the top layer. Once the ice is broken, it may become less necessary.
I definitely hate to think women need to be workaholic loners to succeed at the top. Again that may be better for the second woman and those who follow. I don't know women at the top in industry, so Marian for Math would be correct if she thinks this discussion has an academic bias. I'd love to know more about top women in science in industry.
cheers,
Laura
I think almost all American women tend to be more aggressive and egotistical, sorry to say. I am not sure I can see a real difference in these FF people. But I am working at a software company and so it might be different. The guys are less likely to have a chip on their shoulder, but they sometimes do leave me out.
I haven't really thought about it, but I know a couple of FFs and they do seem to take a more unisex approach to things than I do, at least. I think a willingness to toot one's own horn and to step on a few toes helps if you want to be an FF, in my experience. Makes them less likely to be my friends, though I sometimes admire their accomplishments. And I'm glad they are breaking the ice for those who follow. I went to a women's college and I easily recall the FF President of my college. We all doubted that she could make it work! I'm so glad times have changed.
