Skip to main content

Thank you for visiting nature.com. You are using a browser version with limited support for CSS. To obtain the best experience, we recommend you use a more up to date browser (or turn off compatibility mode in Internet Explorer). In the meantime, to ensure continued support, we are displaying the site without styles and JavaScript.

  • Review Article
  • Published:

Self-esteem and romantic relationship quality

Nature Reviews Psychology volume 3, pages 27–41 (2024)Cite this article

Subjects

Abstract

Although many laypeople believe that self-esteem influences the quality of relationships, the empirical evidence is mixed. In this Review, we identify reasons for inconsistent findings and propose that self-esteem is best understood not as exerting a simple direct effect, but as exerting its influence through mediators: one partner’s self-esteem triggers a causal chain of mechanisms (including trust and reciprocated behaviours between partners) that ultimately affects each partner’s satisfaction with the relationship. We review the theoretical bases for this proposition as well as empirical evidence for each link in the proposed causal chain. Future research should investigate each mechanism in more detail, as well as the contextual factors inside and outside the relationship that influence each mechanism. This approach should reveal ways in which the causal chain between self-esteem and relationship satisfaction can be interrupted or moderated to enhance the relationships of people with low self-esteem.

This is a preview of subscription content, access via your institution

Access options

Buy this article

  • Purchase on Springer Link
  • Instant access to full article PDF
Buy now

Prices may be subject to local taxes which are calculated during checkout

Fig. 1: The causal chain of events linking self-esteem to relationship quality.

Similar content being viewed by others

References

  1. Holt-Lunstad, J., Smith, T. B. & Layton, J. B. Social relationships and mortality risk: a meta-analytic review. PLoS Med. 7, e1000316 (2010).

    Article  PubMed  PubMed Central  Google Scholar 

  2. Stinson, D. A. et al. The cost of lower self-esteem: testing a self- and social-bonds model of health. J. Pers. Soc. Psychol. 94, 412–428 (2008).

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  3. Robles, T. F., Slatcher, R. B., Trombello, J. M. & McGinn, M. M. Marital quality and health: a meta-analytic review. Psychol. Bull. 140, 140–187 (2014).

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  4. Baumeister, R. F., Campbell, J. D., Krueger, J. I. & Vohs, K. D. Does high self-esteem cause better performance, interpersonal success, happiness, or healthier lifestyles? Psychol. Sci. Public. Interest. 4, 1–44 (2003).

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  5. Leary, M. R. & MacDonald, G. Individual differences in self-esteem: a review and theoretical integration. In Handbook of Self and Identity (eds Leary, M. R. & Tangney, J. P.) 401–418 (Guilford Press, 2003).

  6. Orth, U., Robins, R. W. & Widaman, K. F. Life-span development of self-esteem and its effects on important life outcomes. J. Pers. Soc. Psychol. 102, 1271–1288 (2012).

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  7. Marsh, H. W. & O’Mara, A. Reciprocal effects between academic self-concept, self-esteem, achievement, and attainment over seven adolescent years: unidimensional and multidimensional perspectives of self-concept. Pers. Soc. Psychol. Bull. 34, 542–552 (2008).

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  8. Swann, W. B., Chang-Schneider, C. & Larsen McClarty, K. Do people’s self-views matter? Self-concept and self-esteem in everyday life. Am. Psychol. 62, 84–94 (2007).

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  9. Cameron, J. J. & Granger, S. Does self-esteem have an interpersonal imprint beyond self-reports? A meta-analysis of self-esteem and objective interpersonal indicators. Pers. Soc. Psychol. Rev. 23, 73–102 (2019).

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  10. Heatherton, T. F. & Polivy, J. Development and validation of a scale for measuring state self-esteem. J. Pers. Soc. Psychol. 60, 895–910 (1991).

    Article  Google Scholar 

  11. Buhrmester, M. D., Blanton, H. & Swann, W. B. Implicit self-esteem: nature, measurement, and a new way forward. J. Pers. Soc. Psychol. 100, 365–385 (2011).

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  12. Rosenberg, M. Society and the Adolescent Self-Image (Princeton Univ. Press, 1965).

  13. Trzesniewski, K. H., Donnellan, M. B. & Robins, R. W. Stability of self-esteem across the life span. J. Pers. Soc. Psychol. 84, 205–220 (2003).

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  14. Blanton, H. & Jaccard, J. Arbitrary metrics in psychology. Am. Psychol. 61, 27–41 (2006).

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  15. Swann, W. B. & Bosson, J. Self and identity. In Handbook of Social Psychology (eds Fiske, S. T., Gilbert, D. T. & Lindzey, G.) 589–628 (McGraw-Hill, 2010).

  16. Brown, J. D. Self-esteem and self-evaluation: feeling is believing. In The Self in Social Perspective Vol. 4 (ed. Suls, J. M.) 27–58 (Lawrence Erlbaum Associates, 1993).

  17. Hendrick, S. S., Hendrick, C. & Adler, N. L. Romantic relationships: love, satisfaction, and staying together. J. Pers. Soc. Psychol. 54, 980–988 (1988).

    Article  Google Scholar 

  18. Erol, R. Y. & Orth, U. Actor and partner effects of self-esteem on relationship satisfaction and the mediating role of secure attachment between the partners. J. Res. Personal. 47, 26–35 (2013).

    Article  Google Scholar 

  19. Karney, B. R. & Bradbury, T. N. The longitudinal course of marital quality and stability: a review of theory, methods, and research. Psychol. Bull. 118, 3–34 (1995).

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  20. Joel, S. et al. Machine learning uncovers the most robust self-report predictors of relationship quality across 43 longitudinal couples studies. Proc. Natl. Acad. Sci. USA 117, 19061–19071 (2020).

    Article  PubMed  PubMed Central  Google Scholar 

  21. Harris, M. A. & Orth, U. The link between self-esteem and social relationships: a meta-analysis of longitudinal studies. J. Pers. Soc. Psychol. 119, 1459–1477 (2020).

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  22. Boden, J. M., Fergusson, D. M. & Horwood, L. J. Does adolescent self-esteem predict later life outcomes? A test of the causal role of self-esteem. Dev. Psychopathol. 20, 319–339 (2008).

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  23. Fincham, F. D. & Bradbury, T. N. Marital satisfaction, depression, and attributions: a longitudinal analysis. J. Pers. Soc. Psychol. 64, 442–452 (1993).

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  24. Hawkins, D. N. & Booth, A. Unhappily ever after: effects of long-term, low-quality marriages on well-being. Soc. Forces 84, 451–471 (2005).

    Article  Google Scholar 

  25. Johnson, M. D. & Galambos, N. L. Paths to intimate relationship quality from parent–adolescent relations and mental health: young adult intimate relationship quality. J. Marriage Fam. 76, 145–160 (2014).

    Article  Google Scholar 

  26. Schaffhuser, K., Wagner, J., Lüdtke, O. & Allemand, M. Dyadic longitudinal interplay between personality and relationship satisfaction: a focus on neuroticism and self-esteem. J. Res. Personal. 53, 124–133 (2014).

    Article  Google Scholar 

  27. Bradbury, T. N., Campbell, S. M. & Fincham, F. D. Longitudinal and behavioral analysis of masculinity and femininity in marriage. J. Pers. Soc. Psychol. 68, 328–341 (1995).

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  28. Erol, R. Y. & Orth, U. Development of self-esteem and relationship satisfaction in couples: two longitudinal studies. Dev. Psychol. 50, 2291–2303 (2014).

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  29. Mund, M., Finn, C., Hagemeyer, B., Zimmermann, J. & Neyer, F. J. The dynamics of self-esteem in partner relationships. Eur. J. Personal. 29, 235–249 (2015).

    Article  Google Scholar 

  30. Marigold, D. C., Holmes, J. G. & Ross, M. More than words: reframing compliments from romantic partners fosters security in low self-esteem individuals. J. Pers. Soc. Psychol. 92, 232–248 (2007).

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  31. Macgregor, J. C. D., Fitzsimons, G. M. & Holmes, J. G. Perceiving low self-esteem in close others impedes capitalization and undermines the relationship: perceiving low self-esteem impedes capitalization. Pers. Relatsh. 20, 690–705 (2013).

    Article  Google Scholar 

  32. Don, B. P. & Mickelson, K. D. Relationship satisfaction trajectories across the transition to parenthood among low-risk parents: relationship satisfaction trajectories. J. Marriage Fam. 76, 677–692 (2014).

    Article  Google Scholar 

  33. Arránz Becker, O. Effects of similarity of life goals, values, and personality on relationship satisfaction and stability: findings from a two-wave panel study. Pers. Relatsh. 20, 443–461 (2013).

    Article  Google Scholar 

  34. Luciano, E. C. & Orth, U. Transitions in romantic relationships and development of self-esteem. J. Pers. Soc. Psychol. 112, 307–328 (2017).

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  35. Doherty, W. J., Su, S. & Needle, R. Marital disruption and psychological well-being: a panel study. J. Fam. Issues 10, 72–85 (1989).

    Article  Google Scholar 

  36. Kim, H. K. & McKenry, P. C. The relationship between marriage and psychological well-being: a longitudinal analysis. J. Fam. Issues 23, 885–911 (2002).

    Article  Google Scholar 

  37. Felmlee, D., Sprecher, S. & Bassin, E. The dissolution of intimate relationships: a hazard model. Soc. Psychol. Q. 53, 13–30 (1990).

    Article  Google Scholar 

  38. Drigotas, S. M. The Michelangelo phenomenon and personal well-being. J. Pers. 70, 59–77 (2002).

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  39. Reis, H. T., Collins, W. A. & Berscheid, E. The relationship context of human behavior and development. Psychol. Bull. 126, 844–872 (2000).

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  40. McNulty, J. K., Meltzer, A. L., Neff, L. A. & Karney, B. R. How both partners’ individual differences, stress, and behavior predict change in relationship satisfaction: extending the VSA model. Proc. Natl. Acad. Sci. USA 118, e2101402118 (2021).

    Article  PubMed  PubMed Central  Google Scholar 

  41. Kelley, H. H. et al. Analyzing close relationships. In Close Relationships (eds Kelley, H. H. et al.) 20–67 (Freeman, 1983).

  42. Shrout, P. E. & Bolger, N. Mediation in experimental and nonexperimental studies: new procedures and recommendations. Psychol. Meth. 7, 422–445 (2002).

    Article  Google Scholar 

  43. MacKinnon, D. P., Lockwood, C. M., Hoffman, J. M., West, S. G. & Sheets, V. A comparison of methods to test mediation and other intervening variable effects. Psychol. Meth. 7, 83–104 (2002).

    Article  Google Scholar 

  44. Woody, E. An SEM perspective on evaluating mediation: what every clinical researcher needs to know. J. Exp. Psychopathol. 2, 210–251 (2011).

    Article  Google Scholar 

  45. Fritz, M. S., Cox, M. G. & MacKinnon, D. P. Increasing statistical power in mediation models without increasing sample size. Eval. Health Prof. 38, 343–366 (2015).

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  46. MacKinnon, D. P. & Fairchild, A. J. Current directions in mediation analysis. Curr. Dir. Psychol. Sci. 18, 16–20 (2009).

    Article  PubMed  PubMed Central  Google Scholar 

  47. Rusbult, C. E., Morrow, G. D. & Johnson, D. J. Self-esteem and problem-solving behaviour in close relationships. Br. J. Soc. Psychol. 26, 293–303 (1987).

    Article  Google Scholar 

  48. MacKinnon, D. P., Fairchild, A. J. & Fritz, M. S. Mediation analysis. Annu. Rev. Psychol. 58, 593–614 (2007).

    Article  PubMed  PubMed Central  Google Scholar 

  49. MacKinnon, D. P., Krull, J. & Lockwood, C. Equivalence of the mediation, confounding and suppression effect. Prev. Sci. 1, 173–181 (2000).

    Article  PubMed  PubMed Central  Google Scholar 

  50. Swann, W. B. Self-Traps: the Elusive Quest for Higher Self-Esteem (W. H. Freeman, 1996).

  51. Swann, W. B. Self-verification theory. In Handbook of Theories of Social Psychology (eds Van Lange, P., Kruglanski, A. & Higgins, E.) 23–42 (Sage Publications, 2012).

  52. Stinson, D. A. et al. The regulatory function of self-esteem: testing the epistemic and acceptance signaling systems. J. Pers. Soc. Psychol. 99, 993–1013 (2010).

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  53. Swann, W. B., Chang-Schneider, C. & Angulo, S. Self-verification in relationships as an adaptive process. In The Self and Social Relationships (eds Wood, J. V., Tesser, A. & Holmes, J. G.) 49–72 (Psychology Press, 2008).

  54. De La Ronde, C. & Swann, W. B. Partner verification: restoring shattered images of our intimates. J. Pers. Soc. Psychol. 75, 374–382 (1998).

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  55. Swann, W. B. & Hill, C. A. When our identities are mistaken: reaffirming self-conceptions through social interaction. J. Pers. Soc. Psychol. 43, 59–66 (1982).

    Article  Google Scholar 

  56. Kwang, T. & Swann, W. B. Do people embrace praise even when they feel unworthy? A review of critical tests of self-enhancement versus self-verification. Pers. Soc. Psychol. Rev. 14, 263–280 (2010).

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  57. Neff, L. A. & Karney, B. R. Judgments of a relationship partner: specific accuracy but global enhancement: judgments of a relationship partner. J. Pers. 70, 1079–1112 (2002).

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  58. Swann, W. B., Griffin, J. J., Predmore, S. C. & Gaines, B. The cognitive–affective crossfire: when self-consistency confronts self-enhancement. J. Pers. Soc. Psychol. 52, 881–889 (1987).

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  59. Lemay, E. P. & Clark, M. S. ‘Walking on eggshells’: how expressing relationship insecurities perpetuates them. J. Pers. Soc. Psychol. 95, 420–441 (2008).

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  60. Murray, S. L. & Holmes, J. G. The architecture of interdependent minds: a motivation-management theory of mutual responsiveness. Psychol. Rev. 116, 908–928 (2009).

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  61. Murray, S. L. & Holmes, J. G. Interdependent Minds: the Dynamics of Close Relationships (Guilford Press, 2011).

  62. Murray, S. L., Holmes, J. G., MacDonald, G. & Ellsworth, P. C. Through the looking glass darkly? When self-doubts turn into relationship insecurities. J. Pers. Soc. Psychol. 75, 1459–1480 (1998).

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  63. Murray, S. L., Rose, P., Bellavia, G. M., Holmes, J. G. & Kusche, A. G. When rejection stings: how self-esteem constrains relationship-enhancement processes. J. Pers. Soc. Psychol. 83, 556–573 (2002).

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  64. Murray, S. L., Gomillion, S., Holmes, J. G. & Harris, B. Inhibiting self-protection in romantic relationships: automatic partner attitudes as a resource for low self-esteem people. Soc. Psychol. Personal. Sci. 6, 173–182 (2015).

    Article  Google Scholar 

  65. Cavallo, J. V., Murray, S. L. & Holmes, J. G. Regulating interpersonal risk. In The Oxford Handbook of Close Relationships (eds Simpson, J. A. & Campbell, L.) 116–134 (Oxford Univ. Press, 2013).

  66. Heimpel, S. A., Elliot, A. J. & Wood, J. V. Basic personality dispositions, self-esteem, and personal goals: an approach-avoidance analysis. J. Pers. 74, 1293–1320 (2006).

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  67. Impett, E. A. et al. Moving toward more perfect unions: daily and long-term consequences of approach and avoidance goals in romantic relationships. J. Pers. Soc. Psychol. 99, 948–963 (2010).

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  68. Cavallo, J. V., Holmes, J. G., Fitzsimons, G. M., Murray, S. L. & Wood, J. V. Managing motivational conflict: how self-esteem and executive resources influence self-regulatory responses to risk. J. Pers. Soc. Psychol. 103, 430–451 (2012).

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  69. Josephs, R. A., Larrick, R. P., Steele, C. M. & Nisbett, R. E. Protecting the self from the negative consequences of risky decisions. J. Pers. Soc. Psychol. 62, 26–37 (1992).

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  70. Blaine, B. & Crocker, J. Self-esteem and self-serving biases in reactions to positive and negative events: an integrative review. In Self-Esteem (ed. Baumeister, R. F.) 55–85 (Springer, 1993).

  71. Ford, M. B. & Collins, N. L. Self-esteem moderates neuroendocrine and psychological responses to interpersonal rejection. J. Pers. Soc. Psychol. 98, 405–419 (2010).

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  72. Sommer, K. L. & Baumeister, R. F. Self-evaluation, persistence, and performance following implicit rejection: the role of trait self-esteem. Pers. Soc. Psychol. Bull. 28, 926–938 (2002).

    Article  Google Scholar 

  73. Heimpel, S. A., Wood, J. V., Marshall, M. A. & Brown, J. D. Do people with low self-esteem really want to feel better? Self-esteem differences in motivation to repair negative moods. J. Pers. Soc. Psychol. 82, 128–147 (2002).

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  74. Caspi, A., Bem, D. J. & Elder, G. H. Continuities and consequences of interactional styles across the life course. J. Pers. 57, 375–406 (1989).

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  75. Kenny, D. A. & DePaulo, B. M. Do people know how others view them? An empirical and theoretical account. Psychol. Bull. 114, 145–161 (1993).

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  76. Tice, D. M. & Wallace, H. M. The reflected self: creating yourself as (you think) others see you. In Handbook of Self and Identity (eds Leary, M. R. & Tangney, J. P.) 91–105 (Guilford Press, 2003).

  77. Anthony, D. B., Holmes, J. G. & Wood, J. V. Social acceptance and self-esteem: tuning the sociometer to interpersonal value. J. Pers. Soc. Psychol. 92, 1024–1039 (2007).

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  78. MacDonald, G., Saltzman, J. L. & Leary, M. R. Social approval and trait self-esteem. J. Res. Personal. 37, 23–40 (2003).

    Article  Google Scholar 

  79. Baldwin, M. W. & Sinclair, L. Self-esteem and ‘if…then’ contingencies of interpersonal acceptance. J. Pers. Soc. Psychol. 71, 1130–1141 (1996).

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  80. Leary, M. R. & Guadagno, J. The sociometer, self-esteem, and the regulation of interpersonal behavior. In Handbook of Self-Regulation: Research, Theory, and Applications (eds Vohs, K. D. & Baumeister, R. F.) 339–354 (Guilford Press, 2011).

  81. Downey, G. & Feldman, S. I. Implications of rejection sensitivity for intimate relationships. J. Pers. Soc. Psychol. 70, 1327–1343 (1996).

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  82. Leary, M. R. & Kowalski, R. M. Social Anxiety (Guilford Press, 1995).

  83. Murray, S. L., Holmes, J. G. & Griffin, D. W. Self-esteem and the quest for felt security: how perceived regard regulates attachment processes. J. Pers. Soc. Psychol. 78, 478–498 (2000).

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  84. Murray, S. L., Holmes, J. G., Griffin, D. W., Bellavia, G. & Rose, P. The mismeasure of love: how self-doubt contaminates relationship beliefs. Pers. Soc. Psychol. Bull. 27, 423–436 (2001).

    Article  Google Scholar 

  85. Luerssen, A., Jhita, G. J. & Ayduk, O. Putting yourself on the line: self-esteem and expressing affection in romantic relationships. Pers. Soc. Psychol. Bull. 43, 940–956 (2017).

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  86. Murray, S. L. et al. Commitment insurance: compensating for the autonomy costs of interdependence in close relationships. J. Pers. Soc. Psychol. 97, 256–278 (2009).

    Article  PubMed  PubMed Central  Google Scholar 

  87. Holmes, J. G. The structure of interdependence shapes cognition in relationships. In Interdependence, Interaction, and Relationships: Advances in Personal Relationships (eds Machia, L. V., Agnew, C. R. & Arriaga, X. B.) 37–49 (Cambridge Univ. Press, 2020).

  88. Derrick, J. L., Leonard, K. E. & Homish, G. G. Dependence regulation in newlywed couples: a prospective examination. Pers. Relatsh. 19, 644–662 (2012).

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  89. Murray, S. L., Bellavia, G. M., Rose, P. & Griffin, D. W. Once hurt, twice hurtful: how perceived regard regulates daily marital interactions. J. Pers. Soc. Psychol. 84, 126–147 (2003).

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  90. Bellavia, G. & Murray, S. Did I do that? Self-esteem-related differences in reactions to romantic partners’ moods. Pers. Relatsh. 10, 77–95 (2003).

    Article  Google Scholar 

  91. Campbell, L., Simpson, J. A., Boldry, J. G. & Rubin, H. Trust, variability in relationship evaluations, and relationship processes. J. Pers. Soc. Psychol. 99, 14–31 (2010).

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  92. Luchies, L. B. et al. Trust and biased memory of transgressions in romantic relationships. J. Pers. Soc. Psychol. 104, 673–694 (2013).

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  93. Zygar-Hoffmann, C. & Schönbrodt, F. D. Recalling experiences: looking at momentary, retrospective and global assessments of relationship satisfaction. Collabra Psychol. 6, 7 (2020).

    Article  Google Scholar 

  94. Gaucher, D. et al. Perceived regard explains self- esteem differences in expressivity. Pers. Soc. Psychol. Bull. 38, 1144–1156 (2012).

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  95. Wood, J. V. & Forest, A. L. Self-protective yet self-defeating: the paradox of low self-esteem people’s self-disclosures. In Advances in Experimental Social Psychology Vol. 53 (eds Olson, J. M. & Zanna, M. P.) 131–188 (Elsevier Academic Press, 2016).

  96. Forest, A. L. & Wood, J. V. When social networking is not working: individuals with low self-esteem recognize but do not reap the benefits of self-disclosure on Facebook. Psychol. Sci. 23, 295–302 (2012).

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  97. Don, B. P., Girme, Y. U. & Hammond, M. D. Low self-esteem predicts indirect support seeking and its relationship consequences in intimate relationships. Pers. Soc. Psychol. Bull. 45, 1028–1041 (2019).

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  98. Forest, A. L., Walsh, R. M. & Krueger, K. L. Facilitating and motivating support: how support‐seekers can affect the support they receive in times of distress. Soc. Pers. Psychol. Compass 15, https://doi.org/10.1111/spc3.12600 (2021).

  99. Joiner, T. E., Katz, J. & Lew, A. Harbingers of depressotypic reassurance seeking: negative life events, increased anxiety, and decreased self-esteem. Pers. Soc. Psychol. Bull. 25, 632–639 (1999).

    Article  Google Scholar 

  100. Richter, J. & Finn, C. Transactions between self-esteem and perceived conflict in romantic relationships: a 5-year longitudinal study. PLoS ONE 16, e0248620 (2021).

    Article  PubMed  PubMed Central  Google Scholar 

  101. Brunell, A. B., Pilkington, C. J. & Webster, G. D. Perceptions of risk in intimacy in dating couples: conversation and relationship quality. J. Soc. Clin. Psychol. 26, 92–118 (2007).

    Article  Google Scholar 

  102. Wieselquist, J., Rusbult, C. E., Foster, C. A. & Agnew, C. R. Commitment, pro-relationship behavior, and trust in close relationships. J. Pers. Soc. Psychol. 77, 942–966 (1999).

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  103. Murray, S. L. et al. Becoming irreplaceable: how comparisons to the partner’s alternatives differentially affect low and high self-esteem people. J. Exp. Soc. Psychol. 45, 1180–1191 (2009).

    Article  PubMed  PubMed Central  Google Scholar 

  104. Mikulincer, M., Shaver, P. R., Bar-On, N. & Sahdra, B. K. Security enhancement, self-esteem threat, and mental depletion affect provision of a safe haven and secure base to a romantic partner. J. Soc. Pers. Relatsh. 31, 630–650 (2014).

    Article  Google Scholar 

  105. Dixon, H. C. & Overall, N. C. Regulating fears of rejection: dispositional mindfulness attenuates the links between daily conflict, rejection fears, and destructive relationship behaviors. J. Soc. Pers. Relatsh. 35, 159–179 (2018).

    Article  Google Scholar 

  106. Cavallo, J. V., Fitzsimons, G. M. & Holmes, J. G. Taking chances in the face of threat: romantic risk regulation and approach motivation. Pers. Soc. Psychol. Bull. 35, 737–751 (2009).

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  107. Murray, S. L., Derrick, J. L., Leder, S. & Holmes, J. G. Balancing connectedness and self-protection goals in close relationships: a levels-of-processing perspective on risk regulation. J. Pers. Soc. Psychol. 94, 429–459 (2008).

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  108. Jaremka, L. M., Bunyan, D. P., Collins, N. L. & Sherman, D. K. Reducing defensive distancing: self-affirmation and risk regulation in response to relationship threats. J. Exp. Soc. Psychol. 47, 264–268 (2011).

    Article  Google Scholar 

  109. Forest, A. L. & Wood, J. V. When partner caring leads to sharing: partner responsiveness increases expressivity, but only for individuals with low self-esteem. J. Exp. Soc. Psychol. 47, 843–848 (2011).

    Article  Google Scholar 

  110. Gottman, J. Why Marriages Succeed or Fail (Simon & Schuster, 1994).

  111. Gottman, J. M. Psychology and the study of marital processes. Annu. Rev. Psychol. 49, 169–197 (1998).

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  112. Salazar, L. The negative reciprocity process in marital relationships: a literature review. Aggress. Violent Behav. 24, 113–119 (2015).

    Article  Google Scholar 

  113. Bradbury, T. N. & Fincham, F. D. Attributions and behavior in marital interaction. J. Pers. Soc. Psychol. 63, 613–628 (1992).

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  114. Liu, J., Lemay, E. P. & Neal, A. M. Mutual cyclical anger in romantic relationships: moderation by agreeableness and commitment. J. Res. Pers. 77, 1–10 (2018).

    Article  Google Scholar 

  115. Kaczmarek, L. D. et al. Give and take: the role of reciprocity in capitalization. J. Posit. Psychol. 17, 561–572 (2021).

    Article  Google Scholar 

  116. Robinson, K. J., Hoplock, L. B. & Cameron, J. J. When in doubt, reach out: touch is a covert but effective mode of soliciting and providing social support. Soc. Psychol. Pers. Sci. 6, 831–839 (2015).

    Article  Google Scholar 

  117. Crocker, J., Canevello, A. & Lewis, K. A. Romantic relationships in the ecosystem: compassionate goals, nonzero-sum beliefs, and change in relationship quality. J. Pers. Soc. Psychol. 112, 58–75 (2017).

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  118. Gable, S. L. & Reis, H. T. Intimacy and the self: an iterative model of the self and close relationships. In Close Relationships: Functions, Forms, and Processes (eds Noller, P. & Feeney, J. A.) 211–225 (Psychology Press, 2006).

  119. Jakubiak, B. K., Fuentes, J. D. & Feeney, B. C. Affectionate touch promotes shared positive activities. Pers. Soc. Psychol. Bull. 49, 939–954 (2023).

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  120. Reis, H. T. & Shaver, P. R. Intimacy as an interpersonal process. In Handbook of Personal Relationships: Theory, Research and Interventions (eds Duck, S., Hay, D. F., Hobfoll, S. E., Ickes, W. & Montgomery, B. M.) 367–389 (John Wiley & Sons, 1988).

  121. Cortes, K. & Wood, J. V. Is it really “all in their heads”? How self-esteem predicts partner responsiveness. J. Pers. 86, 990–1002 (2018).

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  122. Marigold, D. C., Cavallo, J. V., Holmes, J. G. & Wood, J. V. You can’t always give what you want: the challenge of providing social support to low self-esteem individuals. J. Pers. Soc. Psychol. 107, 56–80 (2014).

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  123. Marigold, D. C., Cavallo, J. V. & Hirniak, A. Subjective perception or objective reality? How recipients’ self-esteem influences perceived and actual provider responsiveness in support contexts. Self Identity 19, 673–697 (2020).

    Article  Google Scholar 

  124. Forest, A. L., Sigler, K. N., Bain, K. S., O’Brien, E. R. & Wood, J. V. Self-esteem’s impacts on intimacy-building: pathways through self-disclosure and responsiveness. Curr. Opin. Psychol. 52, 101596 (2023).

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  125. Overall, N. C., Pietromonaco, P. R. & Simpson, J. A. Buffering and spillover of adult attachment insecurity in couple and family relationships. Nat. Rev. Psychol. 1, 101–111 (2022).

    Article  Google Scholar 

  126. Simpson, J. A. & Overall, N. C. Partner buffering of attachment insecurity. Curr. Dir. Psychol. Sci. 23, 54–59 (2014).

    Article  PubMed  PubMed Central  Google Scholar 

  127. Huston, T. L., Caughlin, J. P., Houts, R. M., Smith, S. E. & George, L. J. The connubial crucible: newlywed years as predictors of marital delight, distress, and divorce. J. Pers. Soc. Psychol. 80, 237–252 (2001).

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  128. Karney, B. R. & Bradbury, T. N. Research on marital satisfaction and stability in the 2010s: challenging conventional wisdom. J. Marriage Fam. 82, 100–116 (2020).

    Article  PubMed  PubMed Central  Google Scholar 

  129. Floyd, K. et al. Human affection exchange: VIII. Further evidence of the benefits of expressed affection. Commun. Q. 53, 285–303 (2005).

    Article  Google Scholar 

  130. Caspi, A., Roberts, B. W. & Shiner, R. L. Personality development: stability and change. Annu. Rev. Psychol. 56, 453–484 (2005).

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  131. Starr, L. R. & Davila, J. Excessive reassurance seeking, depression, and interpersonal rejection: a meta-analytic review. J. Abnorm. Psychol. 117, 762–775 (2008).

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  132. Sprecher, S. & Hendrick, S. S. Self-disclosure in intimate relationships: associations with individual and relationship characteristics over time. J. Soc. Clin. Psychol. 23, 857–877 (2004).

    Article  Google Scholar 

  133. Reis, H. T., Clark, M. S. & Holmes, J. G. Perceived partner responsiveness as an organizing construct in the study of intimacy and closeness. In Handbook of Closeness and Intimacy (eds Mashek, D. J. & Aron, A. R.) 201–225 (Lawrence Erlbaum Associates Publishers, 2004).

  134. Reis, H. T., Li, S., Ruan, Y., De Jong, D. C. & Tsai, F.-F. Are you happy for me?: responses to sharing good news in North America and East Asia. J. Soc. Pers. Relatsh. 39, 3458–3486 (2022).

    Article  Google Scholar 

  135. Baker, L. R. & McNulty, J. K. The relationship problem solving (RePS) model: how partners influence one another to resolve relationship problems. Personal. Soc. Psychol. Rev. 24, 53–77 (2020).

    Article  Google Scholar 

  136. McNulty, J. K., Olson, M. A., Meltzer, A. L. & Shaffer, M. J. Though they may be unaware, newlyweds implicitly know whether their marriage will be satisfying. Science 342, 1119–1120 (2013).

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  137. Righetti, F., Faure, R., Zoppolat, G., Meltzer, A. & McNulty, J. Factors that contribute to the maintenance or decline of relationship satisfaction. Nat. Rev. Psychol. 1, 161–173 (2022).

    Article  Google Scholar 

  138. Leary, M. R., Tambor, E. S., Terdal, S. K. & Downs, D. L. Self-esteem as an interpersonal monitor: the sociometer hypothesis. J. Pers. Soc. Psychol. 68, 518–530 (1995).

    Article  Google Scholar 

  139. Murray, S. L. et al. Pursuing safety in social connection regulates the risk-regulation, social-safety, and behavioral-immune systems. J. Pers. Soc. Psychol. 125, 519–547 (2023).

  140. McNulty, J. K., Olson, M. A., Jones, R. E. & Acosta, L. M. Automatic associations between one’s partner and one’s affect as the proximal mechanism of change in relationship satisfaction: evidence from evaluative conditioning. Psychol. Sci. 28, 1031–1040 (2017).

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  141. Karney, B. R. Socioeconomic status and intimate relationships. Annu. Rev. Psychol. 72, 391–414 (2021).

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  142. Emery, L. F. & Finkel, E. J. Connect or protect? Social class and self-protection in romantic relationships. J. Pers. Soc. Psychol. 122, 683–699 (2022).

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  143. MacDonald, G., Marshall, T. C., Gere, J., Shimotomai, A. & Lies, J. Valuing romantic relationships: the role of family approval across cultures. Cross-Cult. Res. 46, 366–393 (2012).

    Article  Google Scholar 

  144. Baker, L. R. & McNulty, J. K. When low self-esteem encourages behaviors that risk rejection to increase interdependence: the role of relational self-construal. J. Pers. Soc. Psychol. 104, 995–1018 (2013).

    Article  PubMed  PubMed Central  Google Scholar 

  145. Robinson, K. J. & Cameron, J. J. Self-esteem is a shared relationship resource: additive effects of dating partners’ self-esteem levels predict relationship quality. J. Res. Personal. 46, 227–230 (2012).

    Article  Google Scholar 

  146. McNulty, J. K. Highlighting the contextual nature of interpersonal relationships. In Advances in Experimental Social Psychology Vol. 54 (eds Olson, J. M. & Zanna, M. P.) 247–315 (Elsevier Academic Press, 2016).

  147. Arriaga, X. B. An interdependence theory analysis of close relationships. In The Oxford Handbook of Close Relationships (eds Simpson, J. A. & Campbell, L.) 39–65 (Oxford Univ. Press, 2013).

  148. Rusbult, C. E. & Arriaga, X. B. Interdependence theory. In Handbook of Personal Relationships: Theory, Research, and Interventions (ed. Duck, S.) 221–250 (John Wiley & Sons, 1997).

  149. Lemay, E. P. & Dudley, K. L. Caution: fragile! regulating the interpersonal security of chronically insecure partners. J. Pers. Soc. Psychol. 100, 681–702 (2011).

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  150. Mikulincer, M. & Shaver, P. R. The attachment behavioral system in adulthood: activation, psychodynamics, and interpersonal processes. In Advances in Experimental Social Psychology Vol. 35 (ed. Zanna, M. P.) 53–152 (Elsevier Academic Press, 2003).

  151. Bradbury, T. N. & Karney, B. R. Intimate Relationships (W. W. Norton, 2019).

  152. Neff, L. A. & Karney, B. R. Acknowledging the elephant in the room: how stressful environmental contexts shape relationship dynamics. Curr. Opin. Psychol. 13, 107–110 (2017).

    Article  PubMed  PubMed Central  Google Scholar 

  153. Roth, M., Decker, O., Herzberg, P. Y. & Brähler, E. Dimensionality and norms of the Rosenberg self-esteem scale in a German general population sample. Eur. J. Psychol. Assess. 24, 190–197 (2008).

    Article  Google Scholar 

  154. Diener, E. & Diener, M. Cross-cultural correlates of life satisfaction and self-esteem. J. Pers. Soc. Psychol. 68, 653–663 (1995).

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  155. Heine, S. J., Lehman, D. R., Markus, H. R. & Kitayama, S. Is there a universal need for positive self-regard? Psychol. Rev. 106, 766–794 (1999).

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  156. Swann, W. B. Beyond “single-slice” conceptualizations of affect: the cognitive-affective crossfire 34 years later. Presented at the Kraków Small Group Meeting on Cognitive Consistency.

  157. Nuttin, J. M. Narcissism beyond Gestalt and awareness: the name letter effect. Eur. J. Soc. Psychol. 15, 353–361 (1985).

    Article  Google Scholar 

  158. Fazio, R. H. & Olson, M. A. Implicit measures in social cognition research: their meaning and use. Annu. Rev. Psychol. 54, 297–327 (2003).

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  159. Falk, C. F. & Heine, S. J. What is implicit self-esteem, and does it vary across cultures? Personal. Soc. Psychol. Rev. 19, 177–198 (2015).

    Article  Google Scholar 

  160. Olson, M. A., Fazio, R. H. & Hermann, A. D. Reporting tendencies underlie discrepancies between implicit and explicit measures of self-esteem. Psychol. Sci. 18, 287–291 (2007).

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  161. McNulty, J. K., Baker, L. R. & Olson, M. A. Implicit self-evaluations predict changes in implicit partner evaluations. Psychol. Sci. 25, 1649–1657 (2014).

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  162. Dyrenforth, P. S., Kashy, D. A., Donnellan, M. B. & Lucas, R. E. Predicting relationship and life satisfaction from personality in nationally representative samples from three countries: the relative importance of actor, partner, and similarity effects. J. Pers. Soc. Psychol. 99, 690–702 (2010).

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  163. Berscheid, E. & Regan, P. C. The Psychology of Interpersonal Relationships (Pearson Prentice Hall, 2005).

  164. Davila, J. & Bradbury, T. N. Attachment insecurity and the distinction between unhappy spouses who do and do not divorce. J. Fam. Psychol. 15, 371–393 (2001).

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  165. Slotter, E. B. & Finkel, E. J. The strange case of sustained dedication to an unfulfilling relationship: predicting commitment and breakup from attachment anxiety and need fulfillment within relationships. Pers. Soc. Psychol. Bull. 35, 85–100 (2009).

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  166. Hicks, L. L. & McNulty, J. K. The unbearable automaticity of being … in a close relationship. Curr. Dir. Psychol. Sci. 28, 254–259 (2019).

    Article  Google Scholar 

  167. Hicks, L. L., McNulty, J. K., Meltzer, A. L. & Olson, M. A. Capturing the interpersonal implications of evolved preferences? Frequency of sex shapes automatic, but not explicit, partner evaluations. Psychol. Sci. 27, 836–847 (2016).

    Article  PubMed  PubMed Central  Google Scholar 

  168. Hicks, L. L., McNulty, J. K., Meltzer, A. L. & Olson, M. A. A dual-process perspective on how sexual experiences shape automatic versus explicit relationship satisfaction: reply to Brody, Costa, Klapilová, and Weiss (2018). Psychol. Sci. 29, 670–672 (2018).

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  169. Murray, S. L., Holmes, J. G. & Pinkus, R. T. A smart unconscious? Procedural origins of automatic partner attitudes in marriage. J. Exp. Soc. Psychol. 46, 650–656 (2010).

    Article  PubMed  PubMed Central  Google Scholar 

  170. Kenny, D. A. Interpersonal Perception: A Social Relations Analysis (Guilford Press, 1994).

  171. Erol, R. Y. & Orth, U. Self-esteem and the quality of romantic relationships. Eur. Psychol. 21, 274–283 (2016).

    Article  Google Scholar 

  172. Leary, M. R. & Baumeister, R. F. The nature and function of self-esteem: sociometer theory. In Advances in Experimental Social Psychology Vol. 32 (ed. Zanna, M. P.) 1–62 (Elsevier Academic Press, 2000).

  173. Lemay, E. P. & Ashmore, R. D. The relationship of social approval contingency to trait self-esteem: cause, consequence, or moderator? J. Res. Personal. 40, 121–139 (2006).

    Article  Google Scholar 

  174. Murray, S. L., Holmes, J. G. & Griffin, D. W. The self-fulfilling nature of positive illusions in romantic relationships: love is not blind, but prescient. J. Pers. Soc. Psychol. 71, 1155–1180 (1996).

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  175. de Moor, E. L. et al. Self-esteem and satisfaction with social relationships across time. J. Pers. Soc. Psychol. 120, 173–191 (2021).

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  176. Bradbury, T. N. & Fincham, F. D. Individual difference variables in close relationships: a contextual model of marriage as an integrative framework. J. Pers. Soc. Psychol. 54, 713–721 (1988).

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  177. Campbell, L., Simpson, J. A., Boldry, J. & Kashy, D. A. Perceptions of conflict and support in romantic relationships: the role of attachment anxiety. J. Pers. Soc. Psychol. 88, 510–531 (2005).

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  178. McNulty, J. K. & Dugas, A. A dyadic perspective on gratitude sheds light on both its benefits and its costs: evidence that low gratitude acts as a “weak link”. J. Fam. Psychol. 33, 876–881 (2019).

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  179. Rempel, J. K., Holmes, J. G. & Zanna, M. P. Trust in close relationships. J. Pers. Soc. Psychol. 49, 95–112 (1985).

    Article  Google Scholar 

  180. McCarthy, M. H., Wood, J. V. & Holmes, J. G. Dispositional pathways to trust: self-esteem and agreeableness interact to predict trust and negative emotional disclosure. J. Pers. Soc. Psychol. 113, 95–116 (2017).

    Article  PubMed  Google Scholar 

  181. Holmes, J. G. & Cameron, J. An integrative review of theories of interpersonal cognition: an interdependence theory perspective. In Interpersonal Cognition (ed. Baldwin, M. W.) 415–447 (Guilford Press, 2005).

Download references

Acknowledgements

The authors thank N. Bolger and D. MacKinnon for consultations regarding mediation and S. Joel for consultations regarding her 2020 machine learning paper. We also thank Z. Chen for assistance in searching the literature and compiling references and the Social Sciences and Humanities Research Council of Canada for research funding (Insight Grant number 435-2021-0368).

Author information

Authors and Affiliations

  1. Department of Psychology, University of Waterloo, Waterloo, Ontario, Canada

    Joanne V. Wood & John G. Holmes

  2. Department of Psychology, University of Pittsburgh, Pittsburgh, PA, USA

    Amanda L. Forest

  3. Department of Psychology, University of Winnipeg, Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada

    Justin P. Friesen

  4. Department of Psychology, University at Buffalo, State University of New York, Buffalo, NY, USA

    Sandra L. Murray

  5. Florida State University, Tallahassee, FL, USA

    James K. McNulty

Authors
  1. Joanne V. Wood
    View author publications

    You can also search for this author in PubMed Google Scholar

  2. Amanda L. Forest
    View author publications

    You can also search for this author in PubMed Google Scholar

  3. Justin P. Friesen
    View author publications

    You can also search for this author in PubMed Google Scholar

  4. Sandra L. Murray
    View author publications

    You can also search for this author in PubMed Google Scholar

  5. John G. Holmes
    View author publications

    You can also search for this author in PubMed Google Scholar

  6. James K. McNulty
    View author publications

    You can also search for this author in PubMed Google Scholar

Contributions

J.V.W, A.L.F. and J.P.F. researched data for the article. All authors contributed substantially to discussion of the content, wrote the article, and reviewed and/or edited the manuscript before submission.

Corresponding author

Correspondence to Joanne V. Wood.

Ethics declarations

Competing interests

The authors declare no competing interests.

Peer review

Peer review information

Nature Reviews Psychology thanks Mariko Visserman and the other, anonymous, reviewer(s) for their contribution to the peer review of this work.

Additional information

Publisher’s note Springer Nature remains neutral with regard to jurisdictional claims in published maps and institutional affiliations.

Supplementary information

Rights and permissions

Springer Nature or its licensor (e.g. a society or other partner) holds exclusive rights to this article under a publishing agreement with the author(s) or other rightsholder(s); author self-archiving of the accepted manuscript version of this article is solely governed by the terms of such publishing agreement and applicable law.

Reprints and permissions

About this article

Check for updates. Verify currency and authenticity via CrossMark

Cite this article

Wood, J.V., Forest, A.L., Friesen, J.P. et al. Self-esteem and romantic relationship quality. Nat Rev Psychol 3, 27–41 (2024). https://doi.org/10.1038/s44159-023-00247-z

Download citation

  • Accepted:

  • Published:

  • Issue Date:

  • DOI: https://doi.org/10.1038/s44159-023-00247-z

Search

Advanced search

Quick links

Nature Briefing

Sign up for the Nature Briefing newsletter — what matters in science, free to your inbox daily.

Get the most important science stories of the day, free in your inbox. Sign up for Nature Briefing