Reflecting on my entry from last month (see Nature 433, 338; 2005), I am struck with intense pain and a feeling of naivety. When I wrote that, my future was geographically constrained because my wife was my highest priority, my outlook for 2005 was one of hope, commitment, love and anticipation.

After my wife announced she was going to leave me — somewhere between me writing my entry and its publication — my feelings shifted to loss, desperation, anger, frustration and self-loathing. It turns out that we had different perspectives about what my upcoming graduation meant. I saw this crossroads as the end of a difficult period of work. She saw this milestone as an end.

Needless to say, my roller-coaster of emotions has distracted me from my work. I initially fled the lab to deal with my feelings, but now I'm back and trying to focus on getting myself healthy, both emotionally and physically, and finishing my PhD. I am also working hard to address my spite and anger so that we can move forward not as partners, but as close friends. I try to keep in mind the wisdom of Robert Frost: “In three words, I can sum up everything I've learned about life. It goes on.” One aspect of my previous journal entry remains true. It is going to be an interesting year.