In a year which saw the British Dental Association (BDA) 'fire the starting gun on [its] biggest ever election', there have been worrying reports of possible outside interference in the election process for positions on the Chief Governing Body (CGB).

Early results indicate that 80% of the votes have gone to those candidates touting a move of BDA HQ from London to St Petersburg as part of a cost-saving exercise. One such candidate, Duncan McIliyov, a practice owner from Aberdeen, claims that the move could save over £3,000 a year in electricity costs. This may well be feasible because of an initiative from St Petersburg City Council in which they will provide free gas for the first three years to any associations choosing to relocate to Russia.

Credit: Mikail Armstrong ©Composite Vevchic86; philipimage; walencienne; VMax Ryazanov/Moment/Getty Images Plus

In mid-November, a large shipment of Caspian caviar and Belenkaya vodka was understood to have been delivered to 64 Wimpole Street. A spokesperson for the BDA said that this was a regular occurrence in preparation for the BDA annual Christmas bash which this year happened to have a Russian theme. This statement appeared to be backed up by a subsequent delivery of blinis, hammers, sickles and mini mince pies from Waitrose.

When questioned about the allegations of election hacking, BDA CEO Pyotr Wardovich (formerly Peter Ward) said, 'The BDA election process is as robust and healthy as ever, and we take very seriously any claims of interference in the process. We will investigate all real suggestions of hacking and collusion. On a completely separate matter, look out for some exciting news from us in the New Year about a new collaboration with Russia Today which could provide a significant solution for all dentists in relation to the perennial problem of waiting room television licensing.'

Credit: Pyotr Wardovich ©Composite Vevchic86; philipimage; walencienne; VMax Ryazanov/Moment/Getty Images Plus

Mikail Armstrong, CEO of the BDA's CGB, was quick to dismiss the suggestion that the BDA's central office might be moving east. He said 'If the HQ is moving anywhere it will be to the North of England.' Dr Armstrong, a well-known ballet lover, is himself documented as visiting Moscow over 15 times since January 2016 to attend the Bolshoi Theatre.

The final election results for all open CGB positions and other Council and Committee roles will be announced on 14 January 2018, coincidentally the day on which Russian Orthodox New Year will also be celebrated.

In other news, the BDA is considering putting in a joint bid with Broman Bramovich for Newcastle Utd FC in 2018, with a view to using the team to extend its reach in the North-East.

Important note to readers

This content has been created for the entertainment of readers in the spirit of seasonal good humour and, on the whole, possesses not an ounce of truth. All persons, products, URLs and email addresses mentioned have been invented by the BDJ Editorial Team.