Sir, in the evening, I enjoy relaxing in front of the television watching Masterchef (other cookery programmes are available).

Is it just me or is it unusual to see that it is quite acceptable for chefs to put food they are cooking into pans with their bare hands, wipe their furrowed brows and dripping noses with the same hands, and then turn the food over, again bare fingered. Hair is then pushed out of tearful eyes with those artistic hands, tastefully adorned with a bit of blue Elastoplast (other sticky plasters ... etc) followed by a tasting of the exotic dish with a spoon then used to stir the dish. Those hands and spoons seem to be kept clean by a tea-towel tucked into their belt, so no hygiene issues there, and then we are happy to eat this food, maybe delighted or ecstatic.

Now, my question is, why didn't we use the people who decide on these commercial kitchen standards to negotiate HTM 01-05, or when drawing up CQC regulations? Then we wouldn't have needed 3-in-1 syringes; a quick blow into the patient's mouth would do, and we could have kept our long white coats on which to wipe our hands between patients.

By the way, I once had a meal in an Indian restaurant, where my companion found pieces of the chef's watch in the dish, and it was a Chicken Tikka. Honest!