Men, next time you see a dog, give them an extra-special pat or treat, because they might be the secret to your success with the opposite sex.

Researchers claim that functional brain imaging has revealed the areas of the female brain that are involved in emotional states, such as anger, happiness and sexual arousal, and have had preliminary success in creating chemicals that can control these emotions.

“'We are stunned by our results,' said Dr Randy Hornmeister, behavioural neuroscientist at the Lowdown Institute for Animal Research. 'If further tests prove what we have found, men may never have to buy chocolates or flowers again'” (Science Weekly News, 1 April 2002).

In particular, a synthesized chemical that induces sexual arousal has been a resounding success. “Female dogs that were exposed to this chemical were insatiable ... they even attacked cuddly toys.”

Hornmeister refused to reveal the identity of this mystery chemical — he calls it Compound X — but did say that it acts on the nodus operandi (the perceptive–cognitive component of sexual arousal) and the nodus vivendi (which might be related to physical and psychological preparation for sexual activity).

But the big question is, will the researchers be carrying out equivalent experiments to discover the innermost secrets of the male mind. “That probably won't be necessary,' Hornmeister laughed, 'Women have known the answer to that for centuries!'” (Science Weekly News).