Overcoming Shyness

Something you will notice throughout this course is that many of the strategies I'm recommending require proactive outreach to people you may not know well. This can be daunting, particularly for someone who is shy. There is nothing wrong with being shy! But if you want to have a successful career, you will need to learn how to compensate for your shyness and develop strategies for outreach. This is just as true for people who want to run labs as for people who want to be teachers: No matter what you do, your ability to connect with the people around you, and to actively reach out and cultivate professional opportunities is essential. If you consider yourself shy, then it may be a good idea to start developing techniques for overcoming shyness in professional situations. We'll discuss a few strategies here.

If you know in advance whom you're going to be talking with, you might do an Internet search on the person's name and see if you can find any commonalities. Maybe you'll find out that you're both runners, or both have kids, or both play soccer. If you find a commonality, you have discovered a topic of conversation. Small talk can help you both feel more at ease.

If you're talking with someone you don't know and feel anxiety about it, you might want to start by saying something candid like, "I never know what to say at these types of events." You never know — the person you are talking with might also be shy. Even if that is not the case, most people appreciate honesty and will work to make you feel comfortable once they know that you are uncomfortable.

Then find simple topics of conversation. Topics can include local sports teams, something you read in the newspaper that morning, the latest cool journal article that you just read, or the latest scientific seminar that you attended. Remember that you have to give something to get something; the more forthcoming you are with your own impressions or thoughts, the more inclined other people will be to share theirs with you, and that's the start of a relationship. Don't chew a person's ear off, of course! But do offer something of yourself; people will usually respond.

Remember that successful people are often very happy to share their experience and help students with career choices, especially if they are asked politely and it doesn't take too much of their time. After all, they recall how many senior people helped them when they were just getting their start. Asking politely means acknowledging that the person is busy and asking for at most an hour of their time at their convenience.

Not suprisingly, there will be times when you will experience rejection. Some people will not have time for you; some may even be rude. Remember: Every successful person has suffered through rejections and failures. In fact, the most successful people ask what lessons can be learned from their failures and incorporate these learning moments into becoming better at what they do. They don't let rejections and failures hold too much power over them and they don't take it too personally. If they can't get what they want through one avenue, they figure out what other avenues might be available to them. This persistence is an important life skill; you really can't afford not to risk rejection. The people around you at conferences and other events have useful information that may eventually lead to an internship or a job. The chance of those doors opening is 0% if you don't venture outside your comfort zone.

The final point I'll leave you with is that reaching out and networking gets easier every time you do it. The first few times you may have your heart in your throat. But do it ten more times and it will start to feel like second nature. So get over that initial hump as early as possible — walk up to someone at a conference, wait for a pause in the conversation, smile, and say, "Hi, I'm Jane Smith," and take it from there.