Luxury goods producers have rushed to modify tooth-unfriendly products in the run up to Christmas after the media knocked the fizz out of Prosecco earlier this year.

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In the summer the nation was shaken by the idea that Prosecco (the sparkling, often sweet alcoholic beverage made from Glera grapes) was bad for your teeth. Prosecco producers leapt to the support of their product, proposing moderation and claiming that it was actually possible to 'just have a glass or two every now and then' and that 'bottomless brunches are not a wise choice every weekend'.

Producers of other luxury items have taken steps to counter any future claims that their products are harmful to oral health and have released many of these in time for the Christmas period. Galisker Distillery have released a fluoridated single malt whisky that they promise will not harm the drinker's teeth; UMunch Food Corporation have created a genetically modified range of nuts that are easier to chew and will not get stuck in your teeth; and Daisy Farm Foods have produced a turkey that has been pre-basted with toothpaste.

Whilst governing health bodies have lauded the innovation, food critics have not been so generous with praise. Tarquin Boothe-Chewington of The Daily Spectator, commenting on the products, stated 'it is inedible slop that I wouldn't feed to my worst enemy'.

Important note to readers

This content has been created for the entertainment of readers in the spirit of seasonal good humour and, on the whole, possesses not an ounce of truth. All persons, products, URLs and email addresses mentioned have been invented by the BDJ Editorial Team.