Sir, I would like to bring to the attention of readers my recent experience with regard to our workshop/grotto inspection.

Having had a previous visit in 2012 (which was dealt with by a past associate of the Easter Bunny, totally inappropriate in my view – was obsessed with our chocolate policy), this time I was glad to see an ex-elf heading the inspection team, along with a couple of retired reindeer handlers.

On the whole the process was fairly positive, although we got the call on Friday 17 November which ruined our weekend plans (why do they do that?).

At the last inspection, we were pulled up on not having a plan to deal with a 'never event' such as an elf threatening to jump out of the sleigh on a Christmas Eve trial run (now dealt with), and there was a small problem with regard to an up-to-date 'Beard Safety Policy' (daily washing required apparently with an antibacterial scrub as well as frequent trimming. Very over the top: it's not as if I'm Gandalf).

This time, seven elves were interviewed and questionnaires were sent to over 6,000 children across the world, anonymously, via various toy shops. Feedback from clients and staff was mostly good, although Jim, a senior grotto manager elf, complained that having to check and log dates on all the candy canes was becoming very tiresome (a fair point).

So, to conclude, we passed our inspection with a few minor pieces of advice, and another inspection in two years or so unless there are complaints/concerns from the general public (antler care and packaging/recycling are the next big potential sticking points apparently).

Oh, and I heard one of the inspectors say it was the Tooth Fairy's turn next, so good luck Barry.

Thank you to our external contributors for this year's Christmas letters: Adam Jones, Sam Armstrong, Mike O'Reilly and Len D'Cruz.

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