Published online 31 December 2008
Postdoc journal
Down but not out, and still fighting
Amanda Goh
Amanda Goh is a postdoctoral fellow in cell biology under the Agency of Science, Technology and Research in Singapore.
Demerdez-vous. Make do. This motto of the French Foreign Legion impressed me as a little girl and is even more relevant to me as a postdoc. Having moved from the United States to Singapore for my postdoctoral fellowship, I had to adapt to many cultural differences. So I began the year determined to rise above this unfamiliar working environment, hopeful that my hard work would finally pay off. But as my tenure as journal-keeper draws to a close, I find myself facing even more challenges that give the above exhortation increased significance.
As I plunge into a new mouse project while preparing for the arrival of my first child, I realize why the US comedian W. C. Fields once said: "Never work with animals or children." As a scientist, I like to have everything carefully planned. But there is much beyond my control in working with mice, ranging from resource availability in the animal facility to mating productivity. Children are even more unpredictable, as any parent will readily attest. So I must learn to respond quickly to changing circumstances and to make the best of any situation.
I have already learned resilience; it has been a difficult and disappointing year in terms of my personal scientific progress. Looking back at the past year, I considered the lessons that I might apply to my future work. Have I been too idealistic or ambitious? Should I have switched to easier projects, as some successful fellow postdocs advised me to do? If preliminary experiments yield unpromising data, at what point can I cut my losses and move on without being criticized for lacking perseverance? Is my academic training antiquated in a world in which research is driven by buzzwords such as 'key performance indicators' and 'commercial potential'? There are no obvious answers. I have come to appreciate the importance of regularly consulting my supervisor, no matter how busy he is. Doing so in the future will be even more crucial given the uncertainties of mice and motherhood.
Although I feel battered by work-related issues and pregnancy symptoms, this year has given me much for which to be thankful. I faced the daunting task of starting a mouse colony from scratch, with no previous experience of mouse husbandry and no support from my own lab. But I negotiated the steep learning curve with the generous help of mouse geneticist neighbours. They have also renewed my faith in the value of careful experiments. Coincidentally, it was also a mouse geneticist who gave me the biggest morale-booster this year by observing that I want to do "what is right instead of what is easy". I can look with pride at my lab notebooks and know that I have truly worked hard and learned a lot. I recognize that I have yet to prove myself in terms of publications. But I must have faith that the payoff will come if I continue to do my science rigorously and methodically. As Friedrich Nietzsche tells us, what does not kill us, makes us stronger.
But my greatest comfort is a happy home, which I would not sacrifice for any amount of scientific success. My husband patiently endured an eight-year long-distance relationship and more than a decade of erratic laboratory schedules. When he won the inaugural title of 'Singapore's happiest person' (see Nature 453, 694; 2008), it provided me with consolation that I'm not doing too badly as a wife.
I may have lost a few battles but the war isn't over yet. I will face down feisty mice and deal with the challenge of a firstborn child, drawing on the determination and resourcefulness embodied in the motto 'demerdez-vous'. And I will confront the new year armed with a resolutely positive outlook. To paraphrase the late Edmund Hillary: life and science are a bit like mountaineering — never look down.
Postdoc Journal Keepers 2008
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Jon YearsleyJon Yearsley is a senior postdoc in evolutionary genetics at the University of Lausanne in Switzerland.
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Zachary LippmanZachary Lippman is a postdoctoral fellow at the Hebrew University of Jerusalem's faculty of agriculture.
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Amanda GohAmanda Goh is a postdoctoral fellow in cell biology under the Agency of Science, Technology and Research in Singapore.
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Aliza le RouxAliza le Roux is a postdoctoral fellow in animal behaviour at the University of Michigan.
