This year was my first major step into the world of grown-ups. At the beginning of the year, I was at a crossroads. I was uncertain about whether to stay in Poland or to improve my living conditions by doing my PhD studies abroad. I was offered a challenging PhD project in Poland, and so I decided to stay.
Of course, nothing is ever in black-and-white. There were moments when I was a bit like Don Quixote fighting windmills, wondering whether I was doing well or whether I had made the right decisions. I had my ups and downs. But I have learned quite a lot about life. I've tried to answer several questions about myself. What do I want my life to look like in 10 or 15 years? Is it going in that direction? There were moments when I was sure that everything was going where I wanted it to go, but sometimes, I wondered if that was really the case.
This was a year of many changes in both my professional and private lives. I moved to another city some 100 kilometres away from people I know and trust. I began living in a place where I felt lonely and foreign. Nothing was mine and none of the places in the city were close to my heart. My best friends had moved away for their PhD studies, mostly to Germany or the United States, so it was not easy anymore to call them or go for a coffee with them. I felt and still feel like a refugee here although I now have here one close colleague. My private life broke down when I lost the person I loved. I had a big crisis of faith about whether I truly wanted to be a scientist. These uncertainties and events made me change my values, pointed out new directions and opened my eyes. I've met people who showed me that our time on Earth is just a short episode and so it is worthwhile to use that time well, to make ourselves at home and to search for happiness.
This year also brought plenty of smaller and bigger successes for me. My work has resulted in quite a lot of new data, several publications, some collaboration and a few moments of satisfaction. I have been developing my passion for photography, travelling and meeting interesting people. I started learning how to snowboard, which I've always wanted to do but never had time or the opportunity.
I've had moments of personal happiness and now I have moments of sadness. I am certain that this is not the first and will not be the last time that I feel this way. But I know that life goes on. It's up to me to decide whether I hide inside the turtle's shell or stand up strong and accept what the next day brings.
These reflections have given me strength to analyze past events. At least I have found the source of my sadness. Although I know that the solution to my current problem is not completely within my control, I know that there are two roads open to me. One is to deal with adversity and find calmness and happiness and the other one is to stay where you are and agree with the course of events. The question you always have to ask yourself is: did you learn anything from that experience?
My professional situation crystallized this year and although my private life is still messy and I do not know what will come after the storm, I am ready to start a new year and make it better or at least not worse than this one. I have already made some New Year's resolutions. I've decided to take up dancing again, a passion of mine. I've promised myself to go to the theatre, art galleries and the cinema more often to see my favourite Asian and Indian movies and impressionist art. I want to finally start learning German. I also hope to keep travelling to new places.