Box 1. Tips for newlyweds

If you're looking for a dual appointment

• Be willing to make some compromises. Make sure you agree on what's acceptable and what's not in your careers and your family life.
• Publish. Then publish again. The more brilliant the candidates, the easier it is to place them.
• Be active in professional societies to gain recognition in the wider research community.

If you're going to have a 'commuter marriage'

• Communicate. It's important to talk every day, no matter what.
• Both partners should feel at home in both cities, with belongings in both locations.
• Make your time together count by clearing your respective schedules.

If you want to start a family

• Alternate your work or teaching schedules so that one partner is always available to stay home with a sick child. This saves on childcare costs.
• Set aside 'family time' so the children build healthy relationships with both parents.
• Look for a department with 'family friendly' policies and a supportive infrastructure.

If you're putting it back together after years of commuting

• Make sure each of you has a private space in the home where you can retreat if necessary.
• Expect some friction at first, as you adjust to the compromises of communal living.
• Consider buying a new house, or embarking on a joint project in which you are building your future together.

Jennifer Ouellette